Column: Air travel is a miserable experience

If nature intended man to fly, he’d have wings

We’re experiencing mild turbulence. Probably because the right aileron has dislodged from the wing and is plummeting end over end to the ground. Any second now the plane will do like-wise. And as we plunge toward the earth in an uncontrolled nosedive at terminal velocity, I hope the captain at least has the decency to spare us the “please fasten your useless seat belt” speech

To say I have a fear of flying would be  underselling it. Walking down the track to the cabin of the plane (my own personal valley of the shadow of death), I can’t help but feel claustrophobic, dragging my dopey looking luggage bag with the wheels that are far to small to keep it’s locomotion fluent and stable. But getting on the plane and finding my seat (always the middle one, of course) is truly when I begin to lose it. The beginning of the end, so to speak.

At takeoff I’m white-knuckling it. The only thing I have to look forward to once we’ve reached cruising altitude is receiving permission from the crew to recline my seat back a whole five degrees.

I really do consider every flight I’ve ever taken a near-death experience. Everyone has a story about the time they almost died or found themselves in a situation that was beyond words, and categorizing a plane experience as one of these wouldn’t be that far-fetched, in my opinion. Think about it.

Let’s say someone tells you about close call involving a white water rafting accident or something. Well, here would be my follow-up: One time I was suspended thirty-five thousand feet in the air and going 450 mph over a distance spanning the greater North American continent. Of course then they’ll say, “So what’s the big deal? You were in a plane.” A plane? You mean that 30-year-old machine with millions of miles on it that’s maintained by a company that’s now too cheap to hand out free peanuts?

And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that statistically speaking, it’s safer than driving. Statistically speaking, I don’t give a damn. If a component in your car malfunctions, you pull over and fix it, or if you’re like me, call a tow-truck. But if one of the thousands of incredibly delicate instruments that are crucial to the success of a flight malfunction,  the integrity of the entire plane is compromised. I’ve been told of the numerous fail-safes the industry has to keep everyone (by everyone I mean the government) happy, but you still see air disasters in the news.

My only solace once trapped in the aerial tube of natural law defying technology is the catalogue in the seat in front of me. Typically, they’re packed full of items so trivial they couldn’t even make it into a Sharper Image catalogue. Oh, and look at that, you can even subscribe to it so you can receive monthly issues at your house like an idiot.

I understand that crippling phobias aside, most people still find the experience of flying unpleasant. Airline companies haven’t been doing their fair share of pandering to the consumer in the past fifteen or twenty years, mostly because they realize people will always need to fly for one reason or another, but I for one am hopefully looking toward the future. It’s too bad I’ll probably never live to see the teleportation device.

Opinions expressed in editorial and opinion articles are the views of individual NIC students. These views do not necessarily  reflect the opinions of the Sentinel, North Idaho College, or any other organizations or groups there-in. North Idaho College is not responsible for the accuracy of statements or opinions shared.