As a sex educator, Jay Friedman talks openly and honestly about sex. He talks about when and how to have sex. He talks about tips in tricks for sex that make the act oh-so-much more enjoyable.
“All of us are sexual beings from our birth to our death, from the womb to the tomb. Our sexual learning is lifelong as well, but here’s the problem. Most of us did not get good information on sex when growing up… I, like many of you…turned to places like National Geographic magazine… the Sears catalogue… and magazines like Playboy, Playgirl, and Penthouse,” Friedman said.
The problem: sexual misinformation has left a culture that isn’t adequately armed with a well-rounded arsenal of sexual information, explained Friedman.
The solution, he said, is relatively simple. We need to stop being so afraid of sex, and instead, embrace sexuality as a culture.
“Magazines and movies are so popular because we have a natural desire to learn about sex. Furthermore, we have a natural desire to enjoy sex.” Friedman said. “So I’m not another one of those people here today to preach to you that sex is bad, that sex is bad, dirty, evil or filthy. We get enough of those messages growing up. Sex is good, but it’s what we learn about sex that isn’t good.”
In 10th grade, Friedman recalls his sexual education. His class was heralded into the gym where the group was shown slides of various venereal diseases.
“It was the scare tactic approach to sex, to scare us away from ever wanting to do it for the rest of our lives. That doesn’t work. Instead, it leaves us ignorant and confused,” Friedman says.
At 17 years old, Friedman and his girlfriend discovered they were pregnant. For Friedman, this was a call to become a sex educator. But the message he shares often isn’t well received.
“I’ve been called things like ‘agent of the devil,’ and ‘a recovering hippie with perverted ways.’ ‘One of the most dangerous people in society, stimulating students into a state of erotic frenzy,’” Friedman said. “We’ll see if that happens here tonight.”
Students did not leap up in a moment of erotic compulsive during the speech, which discussed a range of sexual topics from homophobia to types of condoms, from blue balls and to consensual sex.
The biggest thrust of Friedman’s speech centered around communication.
“For a guy to be called ‘gay, queer, sissy, faggot, virgin, wuss, pansy, homo, girl’… the worst put down we can hear. Notice we use ‘girl’ as a put down. Notice how homophobia and sexism get all tied together,” Friedman said.
Rather, talk centered on sex should be used to benefit couples. For Friedman, speaking openly with your partner is the best way to foster a healthy relationship. Being honest is another requisite. Communicate and negotiate the type of sexual behavior you’re ready for. If one or the other of you is not ready, that’s okay. If there ever comes a point where someone needs “finishing,” there should never be pressure on the other partner to preform sex acts with which they aren’t comfortable.
“We think if we get so turned on we can’t stop, if we’re not finished off, then we’re going to get blue balls, and if we get blue balls we’ll explode,” Friedman said, emphasizing the importance and healthy attributes that masturbation has instead.