Illustration by Connor Coughlin.
You know what I don’t understand? I don’t understand why being a “nerd” is suddenly popular.
To be frank, I think it’s a travesty! Let’s face it: nerds aren’t popular! That’s why we’re nerds!
If we were popular, we wouldn’t be designated to the corners at parties, wondering if anyone has seen the latest [insert comic book hero] movie, or better yet, has seen it and is just as willing as we are to discuss why it was horrible!
But no, everyone would rather “geek” out (and I use that term loosely, believe me) about how “cool” the plot twist at the end of The Dark Knight Rises was where it turned out that it was “Robin” helping Batman along the entire time!
That’s like saying it would have been incredibly cool and original to have Bruce Wayne being named “Batman” instead of “Bruce Wayne.” Names don’t work like that!
Ok, well, I’ve gotten myself a little riled up, clearly. But let’s face it, in normal situations, being a nerd is a handicap, not a benefit.
If I had a nickel for every joke I wanted to make around other people but bit my tongue instead of speaking because no one else would get it, I’d have enough to buy a sterling silver replica of Agent Orange’s ring.
See, the sad part is, the knowledge about whom Agent Orange is isn’t even that esoteric (esoteric meaning secretive and/or limited to a specific group of people).
If I wanted to be really cruel and confuse as many people as possible here as possible with this, which at this point, I do, I could talk about how the genuinely “nerdy” things that are passed over in favor of crass, intellectually-uninspired (but not aesthetically lacking, I’ll admit that much) blockbusters that think a utilitarian villain counts as a well-written villain.
What about Darkseid? Why hasn’t the Fourth World’s god of evil reached out onto the silver screen to taint the world of Superman and the Justice League with infinte doubt and the Anti-Life Equation?
Whoop, no, can’t do that. Too busy casting Ben Affleck as Batman.
I guess things never truly change. In their younger years, freaks and geeks are marginalized and mocked by their so-called “peers,” and when they grow up, their ideas and masterworks are gutted by the “cool kids” of Hollywood.
So the next time you deign it appropriate to call yourself a nerd, ask yourself: am I really?
I’m not going to claim that there’s some sort of definitive checklist to determine whether or not you are, because that would be way too easy, but you’ll know if you’re just going along with it as a fad or not.
In short: look into your heart. You know it to be true…or not.
